Monthly Archives: April 2013

My Crew

ing that is.

Today I head to Payson to crew my Exie and my +1 with my Exie’s +1

Awkward?

Yup, it's awkward...

Yup, it’s awkward…

Life would be super boring if it was always normal!

My Exie and my +1 Something its like there is a raging river between them... Oh wait...

My Exie and my +1
Sometimes it’s like there is a raging river between them… Oh wait…

For those of you new to the game… Seth is running Zane Grey 50 this weekend and so is my Man friend. Seth’s Lady friend and I will be crewing both boys together. What better way to get to know someone then playing the hurry up and wait game at an Ultra? Seth might want to be sure to run fast, I wouldn’t want to accidentally over-share…. just saying…

Categories: Divorced Life | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

A daily dose of cuteness.

Tennyson came into our lives at 5 weeks old. She spent that entire 5 weeks in the NICU due to some unfavorable womb conditions.Then she was a tiny 5 pound alien. She slept and sometimes ate, never really growing too much. Well into her 2’s her speech just wasn’t there and, as a mom, I stressed. During this time we happened to be very into listening to Adele as we played, cleaned, and went about our business throughout the day. One day something happened, my baby started to sing. Adele came booming out of this tiny 22lb soaking-wet frame. From that day on, my little sings all day every day. Here’s a little share, the second half is when she really gets into it. And also please note, little brothers are not conducive to adorable sister moments!

Categories: Adoption, Parenting | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

Waiting for Mommy

Any time I spend around other “average” children the age of my littles, I find myself jealous. Mothers especially love to a compare milestones, tell you how smart there baby is, and judge when yours doesn’t stack up. I find myself angry. Angry that their child, whom presumably has been offered all of the opportunities in life, is being compared to my littles who had all the odds against them from conception. I have “average” children, I know what it’s like.

Tiny Tru Dylan

Tiny Tru Dylan

Tennyson was my first real visit into the world of a delayed child. She didn’t talk for a very long time, and it was frustrating. You look at this little person and, just the same as every mother wants, you want them to say “Mommy”. Thankfully, Tenny happily learned to sign and used that as her way to communicate until she began talking. Tru is a whole new beast. The boy rejects signing, instead choosing to scream, constantly. At times I question is it being the youngest of 5 that causes this? Is it having 4 older siblings who will respond because, they too, do not want to hear the screams? Is it because, to them, a scream means something and they will talk for him? Or is it the massive amounts of drugs he was exposed to in utero? Or does it even matter? Fact is, my littlest little can’t tell me what he wants, and that breaks my heart. Less importantly, it means my littlest little does not call me Mommy.

With all the screaming he does he is lucky he is so darn cute!

With all the screaming he does he is lucky he is so darn cute!

So I sit and wait. I wait for that special moment when he looks into my eyes with his big
sweet adorable blue eyes and says “Mommy”. I wait for that moment like it will mean anything different for our relationship. Logically, I know he knows who I am. He has been mine since he was 5 days old. It’s the heart that hurts when the words are lacking. The other day I cuddled and tickled him in bed, just loving on my little having some special one on one time. I looked in his face, tickled his cheeks, and I asked him to say Mommy. Having spent nearly his entire life in speech therapy, he is very good at watching mouths and attempting to imitate. After a few encouragements from me, my little buddy looked and me and said “Mommy”! Did I cry? Absolutely! That magical moment I feel jealous of other mothers for happened. Since then he has only said it one more time, but twice is enough for now. I heard it, with my own two ears. I’m a pretty happy Momma.

Tru Love

Tru Love

Spending time with other mothers will still be hard. I heard that magic word, but, although it fills my heart, he is still behind the curve. I know he is not going to stack up for a while. I know for him everything will take a lot more work. Good for you your child knew his abc’s at 14 months and is reading at 16 months. I’m so happy for your little one that learned to ride a bike at 2 and was doing algebra by 2 ½. My little buddy is 22 months and he just said “Mommy”.

Categories: Adoption, Parenting | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

My Day

The Tennyson

The Tennyson

Tennyson is hanging out in the playroom while I am getting some work done and I decided to listen in on her game. Apparently, she is adopting puppies, a lot of them. I turn to her and say:

Me: “Tenny did you know kids can be adopted too?”

Tenny: “No.” – and continues to play

Me: “Honey, you were adopted” – Sheepishly I say this as it may be the first time I have used that word with her

Me: “Who adopted you?”

Tenny: “Mommy!” – With a huge grin.

Me: “Do you know who else was adopted?”- Feeling slightly watery in the eyes.

Tenny: “Tru”- Again without looking up from her new puppies

Me: “Anyone else?”

Tenny: “Just Tru and me.”

Tenny & Tru

Tenny & Tru

At this point, of course, I scoop her up and cry, just a little (that’s a lie!). All of this still feels so new that I feel unprepared to answer questions from my little two. When I look into her little eyes, even though she looks so different than all of the rest of our family, it rarely occurs to me that she came from another woman. Tenny has always been my baby. From the moment I picked her up from the hospital, the tiny 5 pound, 5 week old, was attached to me. Although it took well over a year her for her to “officially” become ours, this little bundle of crazy could never have been taken from me.

Tiny Tenny

Tiny Tenny

I usually research everything. I over think, get stressed out, and over think some more. Why has this research, how to handle adoption talks with your children, alluded me? As I watch this little hellion that has my crazy attitude and her sister’s smart mouth (maybe they got that from me), I see no differences from the children I gave birth to. She hugs, kisses, and loves like the rest of them. As a mother, maybe I should read more, learn more, be better prepared, but that interaction shows me to her its no big deal. She knew from somewhere clearly. Somehow in our talks she heard the word and knew, but for her I am mom; a pretty thankful Mom to boot. I know one day things will get harder. I know the teenage years will be difficult for them all but maybe even harder for her. I am also excited. Excited to see who my smart, kind, loving, beautiful little lady becomes.

Adorableness!

Adorableness!

If I ever hear “now this one is a little darker…” from anyone again, be prepared for my fist and your face to meet.

Categories: Adoption | Tags: , , | 2 Comments

My non-race report report.

It is funny this divorce thing. No matter how much Seth and I do not agree, no matter how strongly we feel we do not belong together, we still enjoy each other’s company. Yesterday morning, he spend the majority of time before school drop off grumpy with me. Not talking, not looking at, the whole 9 yards. Not an hour later, we were both chatting away. Sharing everything that had happened the day prior and having a good time. Seth stood in the walkway between out living room and kitchen and I sat on the kitchen table. Neither of us wanted him to leave. I wanted my friend to sit home with me all day and hang out and he wanted the same. Now don’t get me wrong, there are no false ideas on either of our part here. Sometimes you just want to spend the day with your friend, no worries no cares. Unfortunately, he had to go to work and I had children to take care of (not unfortunate) so we spent the day texting.

My friend!

My friend!

Over the weekend Seth and I wogged Aravaipa Running’s Crown King Scramble 50k together. Seth is a much better runner than I am, but decided to join my back of the pack party. Kimberly, Rachel, and I took the early start/drink and got the party started. Taking the late start and wrecking the first 10k of the course, Seth then stopped running and joined the lady party (smart man). We spent the rest of the time chatting, drinking (just the ladies) and all and all having a great time. For my first “real” 50k, I could not have imagined having any better of a time. Having Seth to place food in my hand and remind me how awesome I am was a huge help! I am not a person that signs up for races, I prefer to put my music in, put my head down, and slog some miles alone. Honestly, I may be a changed woman after all the fun I had!

Me saying "Hey guys, can't we just stay here?!"

Me saying “Hey guys, can’t we just stay here?!”

What is being reiterated to me more and more is that Seth’s and my friendship will mean everything to the kids as they grow. Us enjoying each other will keep all the drama out of things that normal divorced couples experience. I believe the kids getting to see their parents wanting to spend time together will alleviate any stress about what divorce means. As Seth and I are both entering into relationships with other people, this balance will become more interesting to handle. I know that when it comes to someone dragging my ass up a hill, currently I could not imagine anyone more fit for the job. Despites the occasional ups and downs I am thankful for my friendship.

He may be funny looking, but I kinda like him...

He may be funny looking, but I kinda like him…

Categories: Divorced Life, Running | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

For those new to the craziness…

Thought I would give you a run down of our littles just so you can better follow the stories of our crazy-

Tajh-10
Tea-8
Tayer-6
Tennyson-3
Tru- 22 months

If you can get a picture of 5 little people all looking the right way you are basically a AMAZING! We go with what we can get.

Who is my favorite? The one that is behaving appropriately!

Who is my favorite? The one that is behaving appropriately!

Categories: Divorced Life, Parenting | Tags: , | 1 Comment

The Plan

Seth and I sat down the other day to plan out this epic adventure. The idea of simplicity is big in this all, but 5 kids a dog and very limited income calls for some planning. Our biggest concern was to avoid zig-zagging the country. Gas in a giant white van is pretty expensive, so our goal was to turn it into one giant loop. The things we knew we wanted were a lot. To be in Silverton for the Silverton 6, 12,and 24 hour run and the Hardrock 100 mile endurance run, to travel through Yellowstone, to make it to Washington State to see some friends, to drive down through Portland for yummy veganness, and a week of summer camp at the marine mammal rehibilitation center for the big two T’s.

Did I not mention it was all planned on a placemat map?

Did I not mention it was all planned on a placemat map?

By far, Silverton is our favorite place to camp. The fact that the kids can play, just play, is a huge allure to me as a free range Mama. Creeks, green stuff, mountains, and a super small town. What more can you ask for? Although on a previous trip, two littles did end up venturing too far and caused a little stress including some running in a boot (recent stess fracture) for this lady. It all worked out just fine. So Silverton for as long as possible that was the goal. The Silverton Alpine 6, 12, 24 hour race is at the end of June and Tajh is done with school at the beginning of June, so looks like we get outselves a cool month in Silverton. We are picking some peaks and really going to get out there. Handies almost wrecked me last year (remember the boot thing) so this year I need to not be a giant girl. Seth decided he wants to check out Hardrock and after the fun I had last year I just couldn’t pass that up! So silverton until after Hardrock it is.

Before Handies wrecked me. Lack of boot means I thought it was a good idea to leave it in the car. *Not smart!

Before Handies wrecked me. Lack of boot means I thought it was a good idea to leave it in the car. *Not smart!

Once the Hardock party comes to an end, we are planning to drive up through Wyoming to Yellowstone. Although this will be a quick stop, for Tajh this will a huge highlight of the trip. This kid is a animal nut and when Yellowstone was mentioned he actually looked up from his book! Leaving Yellowstone will take us through Idaho and Montana (im going to sleep this part) to Washington. With Seth running Cascade Crest in August, and our much loved friends moving to the State recently, Washinton was a must for us. Between running parts of the course, our littles visiting with there little friends (and us getting to see our big friends) Washington should be an all around good time! Maybe a race for the kids there? Might be nice for them to try out something new.

After Washington, it’s all downhill, or coast that is. With a quick stop in Portland for yummy vegan food (and maybe a tattoo) our eventual destination is Laguna Beach. Tajh and Tea will be getting a weeks worth of learning at the Marine mammal rehibilitation center. We randomly found this place a couple year ago and fell in love. The work they do is amazing and being able to go see all the animals is awesome for the kids. This will be Tajh’s third year and Tea’s first, they both are super stoked. On the way to camp is still up for talks. We had hopes (long shot hopes) of getting Whitney permits and getting a couple days in there, but unfortunetly that’s a no go. So maybe some other peaks in California? I know there are some awesome people there we would love to hang out with too, more planning to be done!

Is he homeless or camping? Exactly...

Is he homeless or camping? Exactly…

Straight home after camp brings us to school starting for the big two. Although it’s exciting to have our plan it’s still somewhat sad to see that yes, this is coming to an end at some point. The big two will be at school for a week , and then Seth and I hop on a plane to head back to Washington and for him to do his first 100 miler. I’m excited for that Seth-Sabrina bonding time, and what’s funny is this will be the first time the two of us have gone away (for more than a night) together without the kids. Crazy stuff, it takes a divorce before we go on a trip together. This is going to be a huge bonding time for us all. For the children, it will be a chance to be outside all day, everyday where children belong and it will serve as a good reminder to Seth and I why we choose to follow our own path.

Categories: Preparing for our journey | Tags: , | Leave a comment

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