Posts Tagged With: divorce sucks

Sorry, Momma don’t pay.

I do not believe in allowance, I never have. When I was growing up we didn’t have much money. My mom worked hard to be sure we had the things we wanted. Did I get every new toy I wanted? Hell no. Did I get the newest fancy clothes? Nope. But when it came to things that were good for me (activities, classes), I had them. My family owned a business and I began working from a young age. at 15 I had 2 jobs over the summer, one being full time. I was always working hard because no one was ever going to hand me anything.

My kids have always grown up being a part of the household. If I ask you to sweep, pick up someone elses’ mess, wash the dishes, anything, you do it. I have always been met with a “yes mommy” because we are a family. You eat here, have a roof over your head, toys, clothes, everything you need, so you participate. I do the majority of the work, but you must be willing to help when I need it.

Divorce sucks. When you have been the “on call” parent your children’s entire life, you have done a lot of research and come up with a pretty concise parenting plan. And then the game changes on you…. All of the sudden kids are given an allowance, not taught to save and instead buy toys that would to totally be off-limits with your parenting, and food choices seem like Halloween at all times…. ugh…

Learning to parent through this is far from easy.  I refuse to change my values, the values they are grown up with, but of course they wish I would. They are little, you can not expect them to understand “because its good for you”. So alas my helpers are harder to deal with. There is always push back, asking to be paid, expecting things that were normally held as “treats”.  Does this anger me? absolutely. I wish they could hold on to the values I have instilled in them. But, that’s not the case. Now I must learn to hold my emotions. I must learn everything will take a little longer. Nothing will be as simple as it once was.

I suppose just another episode in the saga “Divorced Parenting”

 

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Categories: Parenting | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Sometimes a little Duct tape is all you need

There was a time in my life where I was an amazing mom. I had everything together and my children spent their days doing crafts, baking and making memories. I felt in control of myself. I felt on top of the world. I felt whole…

At some point that got lost. While some days felt the same, others felt broken. I felt lost in myself, unable to handle simple tasks. Everything felt overwhelming, so I would go to bed and hope for a better day tomorrow. Those “better days” became few and far between. I found myself in “survival mode” all too often. I took on the “fake it till you make it ” approach, but at some point even that didn’t work. In the moment it didn’t feel as bad, but looking back now, I was a mess.

I let go of the simply joys, and began seeing everything negatively. I was not finding the joy in my children as a use to, which lead me to be a more “hands off” Mom. While I have always done things differently parenting wise, I still received praise from others in the off beat approach I chose. While I was still receiving this praise, I no longer believed it. No, I was not a “awesome Mom”, I wasn’t even a good Mom. “How do you do it?” I try and not spend my entire day crying and at least feed them three decent meals a day. That counted as a win for me…. Mind you, I did have my good days. Days where we made a mess, painted our bodies, played in the mud, but these days were now work for me. I had to set aside my OCD feelings of needing to clean everything and force myself to let go. Force myself to have fun. How pathetic.

This all made me angry with myself. I was failing, which happens to be one of my biggest fears. I would try, but I just could not get myself together…

I had some silly childish grand idea that moving on in my own life would help….

Its taken a lot of soul search, breathing, and letting go of others opinions. Its been a breaking free of the hole I was pushed in and standing on my own two feet. Its been work, but I am feeling whole again. I am truly thankful for all my friends that have stood by me. Those that have listened and I’m sure wanted to shake me. Although a shaking wouldn’t have been terrible, I am thankful you didn’t. I am grateful you let me learn these lessons on my own, I needed to. So what do I do now that I’m healthy? The sky’s the limit! (you’re welcome for the cliche’) I honestly don’t know. I know that my children are going to benefit. The Mom I was helped to mold Tajh and Tea into the amazing young people they are, the rest deserve that too. I stopped being amazing, I don’t ever want to lose that again.

I’m back baby!image

Categories: My world as a Single Mom of 5 kids | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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