Posts Tagged With: Divorce

Quick Update

We are finally in a house! No more homelessness or couch surfing! Am I really excited? Not so much… I miss being on the road and quit honestly do not enjoy cooking inside.

We found a nice little place that fits us perfectly. The kids love the yard and I love having a “school room” for homework and homeschooling Tay. I’m not too keen on large houses and this one may be pushing it a little for me. I prefer small spaces, less to clean and keeps us all closer. Oh well, just more work for me!

The Plan-

Seth has them Monday/Wednesday and I have them Tuesday/Thursday. On Wednesdays I will come in for a couple of hours to work a little more intensely with Tay on school work and try to get caught up on wherever we need to. The plan is on your day you come in for the morning and start making breakfast. Whoever was here the day before gets up and takes the big ones on a quick run, then everyone eats together. If you are leaving for the day you drive the big ones to school and then have the day to yourself. Because we have crazy running schedules and are out-of-town often, Friday-Sunday is going to work on a who is available basis.

I am super neurotic about organizing and cleaning so we are in full crazy mode with me trying to get everything in the right place. Unfortunately any crazy adventures will have to wait, but we do have something big coming soon! Miss Teagan has decided she wants to run the Javelina Jundred (100k) and get herself a belt buckle! With how well she did at SOB 50k, and the true determination this girl has I think she has this! Seth and I are careful about the races we let the kids do and try to set them up for success. We don’t want to throw them into something that could potential have a bad outcome not to say we don’t let them fail in other areas but obviously we want them to stay safe in a race setting. So Tea has four 25k loops that she has plenty of time to sleep after the 3rd and then finish the 4th early the next morning. I will be running this with her and couldn’t be more excited!

So that’s what we have coming up, just some fun training to get a little lady through 100k as happily as possible so she can reach that buckle.

Any questions on our crazy life? I’m in need of some inspiration for future posts and would love to fill in some details about things you may want to know. Ask away, thanks!

Categories: Parenting, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Ex’s Suck

Sometimes its hard to remember to breathe. To remember that you can’t make everything perfect and the pretty picture you would like. To remember that everyone has to make their own choices in the world and that you can do nothing about it. Deciding to be friends with an Ex takes that to the extreme. Attempting to look at your kids happiness, you ex’s wants, and your own happiness is a lot to keep in balance. Every day is a new learning experience and a new chance for growth.

Seth decided to run Cascade Crest 100 before our big summer adventure was planned. The kids would be in school the week before so flying there for the weekend was always the plan. Slowly the plans changed and instead of myself going with him it would be his +1 and instead of just a weekend trip it turned into a week long trip. Already this was slightly disheartening, but when we got back to Phoenix and realized finding a home would be harder then we had thought, remembering to breathe became harder.

I wanted to assume Seth would alter his plans. I mean, your kids are still not in their own space, they don’t have a place to call home, and you are pushing back the home search an entire week? To me it seemed to make sense to just shorten the trip a little. Come back early and continue in this house search. I thought doing this would be best for the kids, I thought it was an obvious plan. With all those I’s clearly I was forgetting to breathe.

Its takes a lot to step back from that situation and realize Seth is an adult and can make choices for himself, I can not change them. In the end I figured out where to stay, how to keep the little ones happy in this crazy situation, and that’s my job. The choices your Ex makes have nothing to do with your relationship with you kids, it only affects them. In the long run you can not make anyone change their behavior, even if you think it would be in the best interested of your kids. As a Mother my job is to keep the kids healthy and happy in whatever situation I am thrown. If down the line choices your Ex makes affect your kids, that is on your Ex, and their relationship with the children will be affected.

So, make the best of what you are given. We spent days at the park, time doing homework at Starbucks, did a crazy turn around trip to beautiful Colorado, and overall had an awesome adventure. Although remembering to breathe can be difficult, in the end silly arguments aren’t going to get you anywhere and will just negatively affect everyone involved. Let things go when they don’t really matter, make the best of everything,  take the chance to have a new adventure.

See it's so hard for me to remember I had to get it tattooed on my wrist!

See it’s so hard for me to remember I had to get it tattooed on my wrist!

Categories: Divorced Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Single Mom

I miss my kids…

This whole “parenting alone after the divorce” thing has finally began. Seth and I each have the kids for basically 24 hours. We are still couch surfing so really having us all in one place for any extended amount of time isn’t feasible anyway. Even when the kids are with Seth I call every night to say goodnight and he does the same when I have them. But I still find myself missing them.

When I had Tajh I become a Mom full-time. I have gone to school on and off and worked a little, but I was still there every night. This last 2 years of Seth and I being separated and now divorced has been an interesting transition in my Mothering. I began leaving the children for nights, going on trips without them, and not living every single day for them. At first it was exciting, I became a Mom at 19 so I never really made choices for myself. The excitement has worn off.

I don’t know what to do with myself. When I have them its constantly planning the next move, keeping 5 kids fed and happy is a full-time gig. When I don’t have them even making food is confusing. How do I cook for 1 person? I find myself getting lost on the internet, snacking on terrible foods, and overall just not knowing what to do with myself.  I can sit and blog, email, get this “life” thing organized, but then what. I have time to run, but I’m still broken so that’s just disappointing. I find myself sad.

So how does someone who has spent 10 years of their life living for their little people find themselves again? How do I become my own person, not simply the T’s  Mom, but Sabrina? And how do I do this when I really don’t want to? When all I want is to be with my kids all day every day?

Moral? I know what Seth and I are doing is right, but that doesn’t mean it feels good. I am allowed to grieve the loss of my former life. The place I felt comfortable, happy, love. The place where I was a Mom, all day every day. Where I didn’t have an identity of my own and that was ok. I miss never being able to go to the bathroom alone. I miss cooking and having a million little people under my feet. I miss having 5 little people talking to me at one time. I miss never having enough hands. I miss not being able to remember if I brushed my teeth. I was ready to no longer be Seth’s wife, I’m not sure I was ready to be Sabrina.

Categories: Parenting | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

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