Posts Tagged With: Family

Christmas Surprise

I always struggle with Christmas. Although I am far from religious, I still believe Christmas should be about family and trying to make the day special for others. My children have grown to never expect too much and we try to stress the importance of doing your best to make others happy. This Christmas I was met with a very unexpected and truly heartwarming surprise.

In the hustle and bustle to rush to the store for the last-minute items needed for our family brunch, I failed to notice an envelope in a ziplock bag placed on my windshield. As I drove away I saw it going flying off behind the van, but still had no idea what it was. Something compelled me to go back for it, even running across the road to find it. As I picked it up I noticed both Seth’s and my name on the envelope. I started thinking who could possibly have left us a card on the van as a ran back to where I had parked. Who wouldn’t come to the door and hand deliver something yet be so careful as to place it in a plastic bag to not get ruined. I opened it, read the card, and immediately called Seth. “Your Neighbors” as it was signed must have a wonderful heart I told him. I won’t go into too much detail, but I will say, these neighbors know the true meaning of christmas. They have taken the time to read our blog and found it in their hearts to share with us. I am truly touched by their generosity and overwhelmingly thankful. While they have chosen to remain nameless (only signing from our “neighbors”) we felt like our family needed to say thank you. Please know we deeply appreciate your card, your gift, your kindness. We also appreciate the conversation that was sparked with our children, not all the good you do in the world will you see the benefit of first hand. It’s about doing good, from your heart, no matter what.

Thank you. Please know we genuinely appreciate you.

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Tajh my Tajh

Some days I feel like Tajh (10), the sweet, loving, innocent boy who would always protect his Mother is lost forever. I seriously start to wonder if he is possessed or possibly has had his body take over by some hormonal, angry, confused, loud, frustrating, obnoxious alien. Either way, it sucks! And then occasionally I get the joy of having my little man back, and I am thankful.

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Since Facebook has become the “repost every article you find mildly interesting” forum, I have felt inundated with articles I would normally never read, but now feel the pressure to. Some articles do catch my attention though, mostly the ones having to do with parenting. Recently I read one about raising boys, a subject very near and dear to my heart. I want to raise my boys to be the best husbands (or partners) they can be. I want them to open doors (screw feminism) and make their partner feel special. I want them to think of others, be kind, be polite, and most importantly be an asset to society. I feel like most Mothers would say the same, but how many follow through? I literally stand at doors until one of my boys open them. I have an expectation that my boys will be taking care of me, and in return I try to be the Mother they deserve.

I send Tajh into the store alone on occasion. I have 5 kids, sometimes it’s nice to not have to drag them all in, and I trust him to behave appropriately. Today I sent him in list in hand to grab a couple of things. He returned as always with money in his fist (he literally never puts it in his pocket, I find this odd… but then again he is a tad odd), bag in hand, and he hoped into the van casually. As he got in his seat he says “well mommy the rolls were on sale so I got you something”. I peek in the bag to find my favorite special drink. What 10-year-old boy grocery shops for his Mother and then thinks about how he can surprise her? How many husbands/boyfriends are absolutely incapable of grocery shopping, let alone are able to think of bringing their partner a surprise? My little Tajh is such a beautiful young man. The compassion he has for animals is incredible, and his drive to learn more about them is intense. He spends his days reading, thinking, dreaming. He loves nature, weaves sticks in his crazy hair, and finds beauty where most would miss it as they rush by. This little guy made me into a Mother, he stole my heart, he helped me become the person I am today. Life with a tween can be rough, you just have to remember the little things.  So whatever alien gave him his body back for the day, thank you!

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Single Mom

I miss my kids…

This whole “parenting alone after the divorce” thing has finally began. Seth and I each have the kids for basically 24 hours. We are still couch surfing so really having us all in one place for any extended amount of time isn’t feasible anyway. Even when the kids are with Seth I call every night to say goodnight and he does the same when I have them. But I still find myself missing them.

When I had Tajh I become a Mom full-time. I have gone to school on and off and worked a little, but I was still there every night. This last 2 years of Seth and I being separated and now divorced has been an interesting transition in my Mothering. I began leaving the children for nights, going on trips without them, and not living every single day for them. At first it was exciting, I became a Mom at 19 so I never really made choices for myself. The excitement has worn off.

I don’t know what to do with myself. When I have them its constantly planning the next move, keeping 5 kids fed and happy is a full-time gig. When I don’t have them even making food is confusing. How do I cook for 1 person? I find myself getting lost on the internet, snacking on terrible foods, and overall just not knowing what to do with myself.  I can sit and blog, email, get this “life” thing organized, but then what. I have time to run, but I’m still broken so that’s just disappointing. I find myself sad.

So how does someone who has spent 10 years of their life living for their little people find themselves again? How do I become my own person, not simply the T’s  Mom, but Sabrina? And how do I do this when I really don’t want to? When all I want is to be with my kids all day every day?

Moral? I know what Seth and I are doing is right, but that doesn’t mean it feels good. I am allowed to grieve the loss of my former life. The place I felt comfortable, happy, love. The place where I was a Mom, all day every day. Where I didn’t have an identity of my own and that was ok. I miss never being able to go to the bathroom alone. I miss cooking and having a million little people under my feet. I miss having 5 little people talking to me at one time. I miss never having enough hands. I miss not being able to remember if I brushed my teeth. I was ready to no longer be Seth’s wife, I’m not sure I was ready to be Sabrina.

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My kids and My +1

I believe that Seth and I have similar feelings on our children and the relationships and interactions that we have with our +1’s, but for the purpose of not stepping on any toes, I will speak for myself here.

 

The idea that my children don’t have two partners together has been a hard one for me. Despite how it may look like from the outside, I am very conservative in my family values. Now, I don’t believe children are doomed if they do not have the picture-perfect family life, I just had a picture in my head of my children having their parents together. So, now that things must be reevaluated, I had to take a very long look at what example I want to set for them. The conclusion I came to is simple, unless something is a “for sure” i.e. an engagement and wedding planning, my children do not need to know anything.  Many people thought I was crazy (the usual) but so far (knock on wood) its been going well.

 

My +1 and I have been together for over 18 months (with a breather in there somewhere). I remember growing up having many adults around that were not a part of my family, and some of them even were referred to as “aunt” and “uncle”. To me it was never odd or different; they were just extra big people in my life that cared about me. My children, especially in the ultra running world, have the same. Just tons of adult friends who care about the kids and enjoy their company, its pretty awesome to see. So, to my kids, my +1 is just another one of those big people. Granted he is around a lot more than the others, and Mommy does go with him to help when he is racing (which they always giggle about him needing Mommy to “take care of him”), but they don’t have any nefarious thoughts on the subject. Quite honestly, I attribute that to the fact that my kids are fairly innocent. They are not overly sexualized, talking about kissing, boyfriend/girlfriends, and other inappropriate stuff, they are just kids. So to my advantage, this has definitely worked. Also the fact that +1 and I do not touch or kiss in front of them is probably a huge help! I do hug my male friends, but I don’t want one day down the road for my kids to have an AH-HA moment and put the puzzle together if they shouldn’t be. So alas, here we are, +1 is an awesome big person friend.

 

After our Mount Massive summit, shit hit the fan. I’ll save that ridiculous story for our blog about the trip, but just picture the big three and I huddled together for warmth as painful hail pummels us. We chat away trying to distract ourselves from the uncomfortableness and they bring up an adult lady friend of theirs and her boyfriend. I correct them and say her “fiancé” and explain that means they will be getting married soon. After the usual 200 questions about said impending marriage, to which I had no answers, the discussion turned to me and the fact that one day I will be getting married. We have talked before about how I could never love anyone that did not love them and we once again talked about how that would always be the case. At some point Tajh (Tajh of all kids!) giggled a little, looks up at me and says

 

“You should marry +1”

 

I am at this moment completely caught off guard and can only muster “oh really?”

 

“Yeah Mom, it would be cool. Tru would be confused if it was someone else and he would just stare at him, but he likes +1! Plus then he would really be a part of our family, I mean, he already is kinda, but he really would be!”

 

Then they all started talking about how much he likes them and how cool it would be. After a couple minutes the subject changed and we all moved on. Honestly though, how sweet is that? The pureness there is what makes children so special. “He loves us, we love him, you should marry him!” Oh my little people!

 

I truly value marriage and I hope that my children grow up, find who they are suppose to spend the rest of their lives with and are able to. But if that’s not in the cards for them, if they choose a different path, I will support them as well. My dream might not be theirs, and that really is okay. For now I’m going to stick with my rules and see where things head for me. Now that we know what my little people want…

 

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